http://www.thedailyjournal.com/article/20121128/NEWS01/311280071

So it goes................
Nothing stays the same.............
I road the roller coaster all my life and now it sits awaiting it fate in the mighty Ocean, Did the shore line change forever............
The clean up crews work, the homeowners deal with what was dealt.
The beach lovers hope, WE WILL BE BACK

Where is your favorite place to be

SANDY BLASTED MY THE EAST COAST,

SHE BLASTED MY SHORELINE.

Two weeks ago Hurricane Sandy Hit NJ, and most of  the Northeast. 

Silver Beach was hit. We are still waiting to get in. I have to wonder, if my shore line is damaged can my beach weather the storm. 

It is changed, does it mean something, does it mean as we loose the forever people and things, we change but persevere. I think we must persevere.

The Greatest Loves

 

So I admit I am a person who wanted a simple life but that simple life got so complicated. The happy young girl who felt free of peer pressure, popularity contests, and labels at Silver Beach.

 

 

Became a Bride and built an amazing house the man she loved. We had three perfect babies in less then 4 years. The world was right. I was right.

 

 

Then that perfect man started coming home late, not talking very much or being mean. His Dad gets sick and we are all sad. His father dies almost 8 years to this day.

 

 

Before his Dad got ill, I developed my first major depression. This frustrated my ex so much. He told a big lie that set into motion a bizarre journey, more another day.

 

 

The day after his Dad passed he told me he was leaving. He told me he would take the girls. I was sad, but I had fight and knew those girls would remain with me. Except for his visitations I rose my shining star daughters.  The weekend he left we went to Silver Beach to find some kind of peace. The Ocean was raging and so was I. 

Memory- of lost memories

I wish I could tell you everything I remember about growing up, how I went from being a Jersey Shore Girl to a 46 year old divorced Mom of three beautiful girls. Sadly I suffer from Bipolar and many details of my life are blurred. I am trying to figure out if it is my illness or my Medication. Either way I loose. I remember somethings so well. August nights watching and wishing a falling star. Meeting my girls Dad, the day each girl was born. Most of the big events, but even some of them are lost to me. I also forget small things, names of people, movies I have seen, old friends. 

In this blog I will not tell you lies. I will tell you what I remember and what I know happened but I just can't remember for real. 

I also will tell you stories of how I fight my illnesses. My bipolar, and how I beat alcoholism one day at time for over 11 years now. I will tell you about the beach, being unpopular, falling in love, loosing him, moving on. Having babies, that are now full fledged teens. I'll even throw in a few pictures of the jewelry I try to sell. 

I am a simple person, with simple needs. Somehow I sit in a big home, with closets full of clothes and jewelry. A large diamond on my left had. I am engaged. Not ready to Marry. 

Too be Young, no doubts

  

This is a picture of my daughter Em. She is actually brilliant, she is beautiful, she loves to cheer, shop, and be with her friends. I bring her to Silver Beach every summer. Her Grandparents, her cousins, and all her Aunts and Uncle's are there. She is learning to surf. Something a tried to do about her age, 13. I failed. She really is learning. 

I believe she is smart and special child. She has big dreams. I dreamed smaller. I wanted to be a Mom and wife. I wanted six babies like my Mom. God blessed me with three daughters. They fulfill me. 

I remember watching my Mom with all her kids on the beach. I wanted to be her so badly. 

Funny, I am nothing like her. I married much later then I ever imagined, I had my first child at thirty, not twenty four....

But maybe life dealt me a different set of cards then I had asked for. I mom with three small kids left by the husband she will always love on some level. Maybe I am more like Mom then I think. My life since Jessica was born has been about my girls. Husband or not I am a Mom. 

My beach

Here I am on the brink of my 47th birthday. I look back on my life and see all the change. I was a little girl that wanted to be a wife.  I was a wife, he left me, I am divorced, I was a single Mom. Now I live with my finance and we are already struggling. I am scared. What's next
I grew up going on vacation at a place called Silver Beach. I big wide beach, private, only five streets wide. I  continue to to vacation there. My parents now own a house in Silver Beach. 
I looked down the coast earlier this summer, and I realized it hadn't changed much. That shore line has held it's ground. Have I? I think so. I don't compromise my belief system for any thing. My values are more important to me then what might be gained by breaking them. 
I stared at the Ocean in front of me. The same ocean, but in constant motion. That day it was wild with dangerous rip tides. I watched it again about a week later. So calm, so soothing. But the big breakers the week before also had a calming effect. That beach, the steady line of the shore, the constant changing motion reminded me of what life is like. 
Your shore line consists of family, children, forever people in your life. 
That Ocean is the ever changing, for good or for bad, circumstances life let's cross that line. The Ocean of life comes washing up to your safe shore. Sometimes it's scares you so much retreat from the beach. Sometimes, most times you stand there and face the Oceans power. It is your beach.